||"dawnbreak in the west"|
Thursday, April 21, 2005
More TMI just for you
As of now, MD Anderson still want to carve around the region of that melanoma scar from my back. Today I had to see an anaesthesiologist, if I am spelling that right, because the doc thinks that I might not be able to handle the operation with a local anaesthetic alone. Someone must have told them that I am very stressed out and have a history of depression... oh wait, that someone was me. Sigh.
I am tempted to blow the whole thing off and take my chances, but I am too nervous to try that. I'd call it a "Catch-22" if I'd read the book.
First off, the melanoma was starting to degrade. In normal tumors that would be a sign of "remission", i.e. "time for the cancer patient to open the Dom Perignon", but the First Law of Thermodynamics takes hold here and tells us that matter doesn't just disappear. In this case it drains away into the bloodstream, where it finds other organs to go subvert.
On that subject, I'm in a good deal of pain from inflamed lymph nodes. Now, this might be a combination of bruising from the prodding that the nurse AND the doctor did yesterday against them; and an immune reaction to the melanoma scar and also two holes they've drilled into my arm for the blood work and finally the usual acne; plus there's the stress of course. I'm pretty sure it isn't more cancer because they'd have caught it - but then, I hadn't asked for the full lymph biopsy that would tell me for sure.
At any rate I need to get this done before the melanoma degrades further, or else before it grows further. I am not sure if it is worth my while to take a lymph biopsy, but if the pain keeps up then I won't have a choice.
I told my boss and her boss what has been going on, and how come I've been taking sick time this year which I didn't take last year. But I still haven't told my family.
I can't go with the local anaesthetic because, it shames me to say, the chances are too high (10% maybe) that I'll go nuts on the operating table. But if I go with the general anaesthetic, I'm going to end up at the fabled 4:20 PM (IYKWIM) needing a ride home. And that brings up a whole slew of problems: I can't tell my mom because she's on notice about her own parents, and she doesn't need to be worrying about her son. I don't want to explain this to my dad either. And I haven't got friends close enough to call in, except maybe for an ex-girlfriend/ near-fiancée whom I really don't want to bother with this, and besides she's probably going to be at work at the time.
And then there's the bill to look forward to. Ain't life grand.
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